


My Big Fat Gay Robot Wedding

by professor



Series: We Welcome Our New Sexbot Overlords [6]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Charles Is a Big Dorkface, Crack, Erik Is Crushing Harder Than A 12-Year-Old Girl, M/M, No Capes!, Oh No FEELINGS, Robot Sex, Robots, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:19:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/professor/pseuds/professor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles is okay with getting <i>married</i> to Erik.  It's the <i>wedding</i> part he's not sure about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Big Fat Gay Robot Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> OMG, there is fanart! Cmajalis drew [Erik having a ridiculous fantasy](http://cmajalisart.tumblr.com/post/21907608342/based-on-this-wonderful-fic-where-erik-is-a-robot) over on tumblr. Go over there and fawn over the awesomeness!!! Not only am I thrilled to get fanart, I got fanart of one of my absolute favorite bits of the entire series. :D

Charles frequently wonders how is this even his life. 

Six months ago he was a reclusive inventor, and now he’s marrying the Emperor of the World. 

Charles thinks he’s _almost_ ready for that challenge.

But first, there’s the wedding.

Ah yes, the _wedding_.

*****

Wedding gifts arrive daily, from all over the world -- ranging from rare and precious, to utterly ridiculous. 

But mostly ridiculous.

Charles walks into the study to see Erik, holding a glowing holographic model of the Earth in his hands, watching it raptly. 

“Shall I leave you two alone?” asks Charles. 

Erik smiles and shakes his head, and offers the Earth to Charles.

“It’s lovely,” he says, taking it from Erik.

(Charles would, incidentally, like to know why the universe persists in smacking him over the head with unsubtle metaphors.)

*****

Charles is trying to be diplomatic about this.

He really is.

“Don’t you like it? I like it,” says Erik happily, as he twirls to make his new cape flare out. 

“It’s very … you,” manages Charles, eventually.

“Yes it _is_ , isn’t it,” says Erik smugly. 

Charles is finding whoever told Erik that red and magenta were an acceptable color combination, and having them shot. 

*****

Charles is prepared to go to drastic measures to get rid of that cape.

Erik stops dead when he enters their bedroom that night. Then a huge grin spread across his face.

“This is a surprise,” he says.

“A nice surprise?” asks Charles, fluttering his eyelashes at Erik.

“A _very_ nice surprise,” says Erik, as he starts stripping off his clothing.

Good. Charles would hate to think he de-thorned all these roses for nothing. 

Charles watches the free show from where he’s sprawled on the bed, naked on top of that damned cape, a bouquet of roses artfully arranged to cover himself.

And now, for the final touch: “Erik,” Charles purrs. “How many times do you think you can make me come in one night?

Charles has watched Erik demonstrate his robot superspeed often, and yet still has never seen him move so fast.

As planned, the cape is absolutely _covered_ in lube and come at the end of the night.

Charles can’t move for two days afterwards.

It’s absolutely worth it.

*****

Erik sulks a bit when he finds out another cape can’t be made in time for the wedding -- it was apparently made of some incredibly rare fabric using some arcane process; Charles _almost_ feels bad about wrecking it -- but is appeased when Charles keeps telling him how amazing he looks in his tuxedo. 

*****

Charles unwraps another wedding gift, and groans.

He should have checked the card first.

He checks it now, and, yes, sure enough --

“Something wrong?” asks Erik, peeking over his shoulder. “You sound -- oh.”

“Sorry,” says Charles. “My old roommate from university doesn’t quite understand the concept of … boundaries.” An understatement, if there ever was one.

_Dear Charles,_ says the card. _Congrats on bagging our new sexbot overlord. You probably have things well in hand, but you can never go wrong with having some reliable backup. Have fun sexing each other up, you crazy kids. Love, Tony_

_PS -- Pepper and JARVIS are sending you the official, appropriate, BORING gift from Stark Industries._

Charles sighs, and looks down at the basket of expensive, top-end sex toys has Tony sent them. 

At least he has good taste.

*****

Charles resigned himself, ages ago, to the fact that this wedding is going to be an utter _circus_ \-- he is marrying the Emperor of the World, after all.

But there are some lines he is unwilling to cross.

Charles pinches the bridge of his nose. “Erik. Darling. Is it _really_ necessary to have a 3-meter tall ice sculpture of us at the reception?”

*****

“What about the bachelor party?” asks Erik.

“I wasn’t planning on having one. I’ve never cared for the spectacle,” says Charles.

He has no doubt that Tony will be holding one in his honor, though.

“Besides,” continues Charles. “It’s not like I can’t get a lapdance whenever I want.”

“Oh?” asks Erik, low and dangerous.

Charles looks over at him, and laughs.

“You’re very silly,” Charles says, and kisses him. “I _meant_ that I could ask _you_ for one. Unless, of course, you’re not into that --”

Erik sits him down in the nearest chair, and demonstrates that he is, very much, into that.

*****

Charles is trying very, very hard, not to panic.

He’s getting _married_. He’s getting married _today_. He’s getting married today in front of _thousands of people_ \-- no, scratch that, _billions_ , as the wedding is being streamed live over the Internet.

He can’t do this.

“I can’t do this,” he blurts out to Erik. “I can’t do this, why did I think I could do this, oh god, I can’t believe I thought I could do this --”

There’s a long pause, as Charles paces around in circles muttering to himself.

Until strong arms catch him, hold him.

Erik turns him so they’re facing each other, and meets Charles’ eyes. 

“Charles, I -- if you don’t want to do this, then. We don’t. Have to. _You_ don’t have to.” says Erik, as if the words are being dragged from him.

“So we can elope, then?” Charles sighs. “Wonderful.”

Erik blinks. “I -- elope?”

Charles breathes, as though a huge weight has lifted off his shoulders, and leans into Erik. “God yes. I just -- I was a reclusive inventor when we met for a _reason_ , and the thought of facing _all those people_ , having them _watch_ us, I just couldn’t --”

Erik kisses him.

“I have an idea,” says Erik.

*****

Later that day, the entire world watches the joining of His Imperial Majesty Erik, Emperor of the World, and Prince Consort Doctor Charles Francis Xavier, in the bonds of matrimony. 

Or at least, their holographic duplicates.

Charles and Erik, meanwhile, get married on a private beach in Malibu.

It’s absolutely perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> So here I am writing a series about a robot!Erik who takes over the world, and I can't believe it took me until six stories in to come up with the idea to use the "Fassy holding a glowing representation of the Earth" scene.


End file.
